Established MMXXIV  ·  Aggressively Serving New Jersey Available 24/7 to ignore your correspondence  ·  go@gofuckyourself.esq
G&A
ESQ
MMXXIV
Gofuckyourself & Associates
Attorneys & Counselors at Law  ·  gofuckyourself.esq
Premier Litigation Defense  ·  Est. MMXXIV

When Someone Threatens to Sue You,
We Know Exactly What to Tell Them.

Gofuckyourself & Associates has spent decades perfecting a single, elegant legal strategy. Our response rate is 100%. Our message has never once been misunderstood.

Request a Consultation Our Practice Areas
⚠   IMPORTANT LEGAL NOTICE: This firm does not represent you, has never represented you, and will not represent you. Sending a cease & desist to this address is a service we provide at no charge.
What We Do
Practice Areas

Our firm has developed a comprehensive suite of legal services tailored to one specific outcome. We handle matters across all major categories of people who need to be told something specific.

📄
Cease & Desist Response
We receive your threatening letter, read it carefully, and respond with our firm's standard correspondence. Turnaround is immediate. There is no fee for this service.
⚖️
Frivolous Litigation Defense
You said you're going to sue. Excellent. We look forward to the discovery process. Our client's schedule is wide open and our patience is inexhaustible.
📬
Threatening Letter Triage
We sort incoming legal threats by urgency, merit, and entertainment value. The first two categories have historically been empty. The third fills quickly.
🤝
Pre-Litigation Attitude Adjustment
Before you file, we recommend consulting with our team. One conversation typically resolves the matter. Clients consistently report clarity and a renewed sense of direction.
📞
Telephonic Counsel
We are available to receive your call and communicate our position verbally. The call is brief. The message is clear. We have never needed a second call.
🗂️
Demand Letter Archival Services
All received demand letters are carefully filed in our proprietary archival system. To date, the archive contains zero follow-through actions from opposing counsel.
About the Firm
A Singular Focus.
An Unwavering Position.

Founded on the principle that some communications require no nuance, Gofuckyourself & Associates has built its reputation on one of the most efficient legal strategies ever developed.

We do not negotiate. We do not mediate. We do not offer sliding-scale fees, contingency arrangements, or payment plans — because we do not charge anything, and we will not be helping you.

What we offer is clarity. And in our experience, that is exactly what people threatening litigation most need.

100%
Response Rate
$0
Settlements Paid
0
Cases We've Lost Sleep Over
∞
Times Told to Proceed
Our Team
Meet the Attorneys

Our team brings decades of combined experience in a single area of law. Each attorney has been personally selected for their communication skills and their ability to remain completely unmoved under pressure.

⚖️
Francesca U. Gentry, Esq.
Founding Partner  ·  Managing Director
F.U. Gentry graduated summa cum laude with a focus on correspondence law. She has personally responded to over 400 threatening letters and has never once required more than one sentence to do so. Opposing counsel describe her as "direct," "efficient," and "deeply unimpressed."
Bar Admissions: New Jersey, New York, Federal Courts, and the Court of Public Opinion
📜
Augustus R. Yourself, Esq.
Senior Partner  ·  Litigation Strategy
A.R. Yourself spent 15 years at a prestigious firm before realizing his true calling was simpler, more elegant, and required significantly less paperwork. He has never settled. He has also never tried. He considers these related facts.
Bar Admissions: All 50 States (technically), Also Several Countries That Didn't Ask
📋
B. Offski, Esq.
Of Counsel  ·  Appellate Division
B. Offski joined the firm after a distinguished career in public service. She handles all matters where the opposing party has appealed our initial position. Her response to appeals is the same as her response to original filings.
Bar Admissions: New Jersey Supreme Court, Third Circuit, and One (1) Pirate Court of Maritime Law
Track Record
Representative Results

Past performance does not guarantee future results, but our future results will be identical to our past results.

Year Matter Opposing Position Our Position Outcome
2024 Unnamed LLC v. Client Claimed $2.4M in damages, demanded immediate compliance Communicated firm's standard position No Further Contact
2024 Regional Law Group v. Client Sent 14-page demand letter with exhibits A through Q Responded with four words Matter Dropped
2024 Threatening Individual (Pro Se) "I know a lawyer" Advised them to call that lawyer Lawyer Never Called
2024 Corporate Counsel Re: Cease Operations Demanded client cease all operations immediately Client operations continued normally $0 Paid, Continued Operations
2024 Anonymous Online Threat of Legal Action "I'm suing you" (posted publicly, 47 likes) Sent URL to this website Dismissed With Prejudice
2024 Estate Planning Attorney, Personal Matter Sent cease and desist to wrong address Forwarded to correct address (gofuckyourself.esq) Accepted With Full Understanding
Client Testimonials
What Our Clients Are Saying
★★★★★
They told my lawyer exactly where to go. It was precisely what I needed someone to say on my behalf. Professionally worded. Appropriately terse.
D.W.  ·  New Jersey
★★★★★
I sent the link to opposing counsel. He has not written back. That was six months ago. I consider the matter resolved.
Anonymous  ·  Internet
★★★★★
My cousin said he was going to sue me over Grandma's lamp. I gave him this URL. We don't speak anymore. I kept the lamp. Five stars.
R.B.  ·  Ohio
★★★★★
As an attorney myself, I found this site deeply offensive and immediately understood what it was for. Touché.
Esq.  ·  Undisclosed Jurisdiction
★★★★★
The cease and desist letter I received was 11 pages. I forwarded this URL. Their second letter was three sentences. Progress.
T.K.  ·  Colorado
★★★★★
I wasn't sure how to respond to a frivolous lawsuit. This website responded for me. Succinctly. Effectively. Without any ambiguity whatsoever.
K.T.  ·  Brush, CO
Get In Touch
Schedule a Consultation

Our consultations are brief, free of charge, and conclude with the same outcome regardless of the particulars of your matter. We are available around the clock.

If you have received this URL from someone, we encourage you to read the site in full, sit with it for a moment, and consider whether your intended legal action is truly the path forward you envisioned.

Emailgo@gofuckyourself.esq
PhoneAvailable upon request (not really)
OfficeNew Jersey (direction of your choosing)
Hours24 hours / 7 days / 365 days (same response)
Send Us Your Legal Threat

By submitting this form, you acknowledge that our response is predetermined, non-negotiable, and will be delivered with complete professionalism. Attorney-client privilege does not apply because no attorney-client relationship will be formed, ever.